Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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