Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The uberlube is also flammable
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
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