The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
