I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
