im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
