just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
