this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
