There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
