remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
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Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
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6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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