my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
