I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
