We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
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I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
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He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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