It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
