Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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