he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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