Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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