You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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