so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Bring me that man meat
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