My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
