turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
