i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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