I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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