a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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