The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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