Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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