Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
