I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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