Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
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