i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
