I am spending my child support on dildos
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize