Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
