I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
