We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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