ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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