Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
