Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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