i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
