We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize