It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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