just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
