Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
