census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It's like God shit irony all over that family
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
