I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
