you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
