I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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