That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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