the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
