Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
