A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
