I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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