I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
