My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
