She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
