i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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