So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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