I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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