Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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